N. D. Wolfwood

Hm. Tomorrow's my last day of work, until I'm on vacation. For something like ten days. Crazy...they're going to pay me even when I'm not here. For someone who's largely worked in food service and construction, where you don't get paid unless you're there working, this is a novel idea. I like it. I like it a lot.
On the other hand, I'm here right now, eating cold and dry (I mean without butter--they're perfectly moist) english muffins. Not a bad meal, per se, but not intended to be served alone. They're all I found in my duffel bag. Had I been in less of a hurry this afternoon, I'd have thrown in a can of ravioli or something.
Been reading good doujinshi today...my latest obsession. The drawing style intrigues me--it's more normal than American comic books--none of that superhero stuff. Instead, everyone seems to be very bishounen.

I'm craving Thai; can't wait to hit Bangkok Thai Deli and get some good chow.

Eesh. I feel like I'm supposed to weigh in with something really deep and meaningful. I'm so disgusted with the Middle East I can't really comment on it anymore. I'm a rabid Zionist and if my knees weren't so shot I'd join the IDF and go toast some Palestinians, and gladly so. The rapid degeneration of my joints, though, makes me think they likely wouldn't want me anyhow.

I guess the biggest news is a former roommate got in touch today after everything pretty much went to shit. It's been a year and I figured she was still mad at me for making her go into rehab. So it was good to hear from her and no, she's not mad.
I found out the other day also that a friend-from-high-school's father passed away and since I've been looking for her and haven't found her, maybe this will be a lead, awful as it is.

Yeah. That's about it, really.

Oh, just shoot me now. I actually like the new Creed single ("One Last Breath"). He's still doing his bad Eddie Vedder impression--and being the sort of person that would gladly take a bullet for Ed, I loathe anyone who tries to imitate him (professionally, anyway. I don't mind people doing karaoke or what have you). So I was galled to find that this song was catchy. Of course, it's also depressive, which makes it that much better.

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'...
maybe six feet
ain't so far down

Damn you, Scottstapp. Just because I like this song does not mean I like you.

It's been gorgeous the last few days. Highs in the 60s and 70s--just about right. Summertime here in the wild hinterlands gets up to damn near 100, which is really too hot, but 60s and 70s I could live with forever. Ambled halfway to work again,and then caught a cab the rest of the way out. I hope the cats are alright; I feel bad leaving them for 14 hours a day and then I come home, shower, maybe fry some eggs and crash out. I hardly spend any time with them. I don't know how it would hurt them, other than a lack of mental stimulation, I guess, but still I feel bad. I can kill time alright--I can even kill 6 hours a day which is what it ends up being--but 14 hours seems like an awfully long time to be gone.
This whole Israel situtation is pissing me off. The world is blind. It boils down to this:
Maybe it WAS the Arab's lands, but now it's Israel's. Everybody's land was originally someone else's, and there's no way to figure out who really belongs where. Even if you suggested EVERYONE go back to their ancestral lands and people could figure it out, where does an Irish-Italian living in America go? So sorry, no excuses. It's Israel's land now, if the Arabs hadn't attacked the situation never would've occurred. Secondly, the Arab world is huge and Israel is tiny. As someone mentioned, it's like the Arabs have a football field and Israel is a pack of matches on one edge, and now the world says, "Give the Arabs half of that pack of matches, and everyone will be happy." My ass. They just want to be rid of Israel. Jealousy, pure and simple, because the Arabs wandered around with their camels for a thousand years and didn't do a damn thing with the land, and Israel came and in fifty years made something damn near like Gan 'Eden--that's the Garden of Eden for you goyim--and suddenly the Arabs are jealous. Holds no water with me.
Even if all this WAS valid, you've got a group with a high population of radicals and terrorists, led by a terrorist, and somehow they're supposed to be "partners for peace." What a joke. They were offered everything they wanted in 2000 and Arafat walked away. The fact of the matter is not that they want land, nor a state, nor autonomy. They just want to be rid of the Jews. Well, I guess just about everyone does, if you look at Europe and all the antisemitism going on. Surprising? No.
But it makes me feel sort of Knives-ish to the muslim world in general.
Larry Miller said something like, "Everyone makes so much of the Muslim contributions to the world....well, I don't remember anything much more than algebra, and thanks a hell of a lot for that one, by the way." Amein, and amein.

out.

I hate days when things go okay, but there's enough of a spin that nothing seems quite right, or real. Example follows:
Yesterday was a Sunday. Normally I work Sunday evenings, as I did yesterday, and that was okay. Except that on Sundays the station is usually deserted and today there were people here that I didn't expect to be here. All in all though, it felt fairly normal. Then, the cleaning guy came out. Normally he cleans before I get here on Sundays, so it was strange, and suddenly it didn't seem like a Sunday at all, it felt like a Wednesday. But there's stuff to do Sundays I don't do Wednesdays, and...yeah. It was really just a strange way to start the week. I still feel weird.
It was nice to have a couple of days off. I slept something like 14 hours on Saturday, which was badly needed. Too many 40-60 hour stretches awake. I could probably use another 14 solid hours to catch up on my sleep debt. Watched SLC Punk. It was a good movie. I'll probably write something up about it at some time in the future. It's largely stuff that I have considered and found to be true anyway, being the sort of introspective and ruthlessly analytical person that I am. But it was ...interesting. Also started reading A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold. Good stuff.
At last I have some money. It won't last long--most of it going to the car and all--but it's nice to be able to grab a cab to work and buy some food, and all that. Underrated stuff. I walked to the store with my backpack and bought about 30lbs worth of groceries. Amazing how when you have to carry it, you categorize it in terms of weight, not dollar amount or other factors. It was about ...oh, four or five iles. At the end, my knees were bothering me, but not too badly. I spent almost all of the walking parts writing, or critiquing writing, in my head. Mostly stuff like this...long, blathering essays about what makes me tick (or ticked) and all the multitudinous ramifications of any particular thing. I have a great ability to wander off tangentially, possibly coming back to the original point, or not, and it's in those rambling mind-writings that I often end up confronting the scary things I find inside.

My current fascination is with a writer I found online--and this is going to sound silly--while looking for fanfic stuff. If you care--and you should, because she's got a style not unreminiscent of Burroughs, which is difficult to do coherently--you should check her stuff out. Fanfic, and originals, and do not sneeze at the drabbles. Random Acts of Fandom and Spilled Cadence. There. I've helped to promote another writer's work. And she'll probably think I'm bordering on psycho, but hey, I'm impressed. What can I say. Read "Distance." It's lemon. It's yaoi. It's *angst.* Real, heady, self-questioning angst, not the pansy-ass X-Files fanfic angst, nor yet the Vash-and-Rem-guilt angst, but the sort of angst that can--if you have a soul at all--cut close to the bone.

Man. The rampant negativity in my life, huh? I feel so bitchy for always being negative. But I suppose that's just that I'm so damn depressed most of the time. Actually today was pretty good--I took a long walk (across town, to get to work) but I didn't have to rush. Duffel bag over one shoulder, hit the store, and amble along in the sunshine. Knees felt okay. No headaches. Not too tired. Just content to walk around in the sun and munch on donuts (sound familiar?) and all that good hoo-hah. Am I depressed always? No. I just like to bitch about it when I am, so nyaaaa, as Kuroneko-sama says.

out